The Just Checking In Podcast
The Just Checking In Podcast is another step in VENT’s mission to give people a voice, change the conversation around mental health and provide an outlet where everyone, but especially men and boys, can express themselves. In each pod we check in with a special guest. We have a natter and a chat about all things mental health as well as anything and everything else they're passionate about. If it helps that person with their mental health, we'll discuss it!
The Just Checking In Podcast
JCIP #376 - Jamie Hall
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In episode 376 of The Just Checking In Podcast we checked in with Jamie Hall.
Jamie is part of Mandem Meetup Wolves, the Wolverhampton branch of Mandem Meetup (MMU), a grassroots charity promoting, correcting and improving the conversation around men’s mental health and wellbeing.
Jamie became part of MMU Wolves (MMUW) in 2023 when he messaged the Founder of the Wolves branch, Christian if he could get involved. He went on his first hike with them in the same year and from there, the rest is history.
He now runs the MMUW football team alongside another man called Danny Grady, who took the reigns over from previous guest Leigh Edwards. Jamie also leads on their homeless outreach programme in the city too.
In this episode we first discuss Jamie’s mental health journey. This includes being expelled from school and then multiple prison sentences throughout a 20 year-period.
At 29, he moved out of the city with an ex-partner. However, he got into a fight in a local pub, went to prison for another year, came out and was diagnosed with a brain tumour, collapsing at a house party.
After being hospitalised, he discovered he had an aneurysm on his brain at just 30 years old.
Despite all of this, none of it was the wake up call he needed.
At 33, he became a father for the first time but it was only through joining MMU Wolves which he credits as the turning point for his life.
He went to his first Talking Circle the organisation runs, and after attending a few more, he plucked up the courage to speak himself, and broke down. From there, he has turned his life around, gone from strength to strength and the Mandem has been the vehicle for driving that.
We talk about all the work he does with MMUW, how it fuels his purpose and keeps his recovery on track, and how he reflects on the man he is now vs the lost soul he was in his childhood and 20s.
As always, #itsokaytovent
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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of the Just Checking In Podcast. I'm your host, Freddie Cocker, and this podcast is brought to you by Vent, a place where everyone, but especially men and boys, can open up about their mental health issues, break down stigmas, and start conversations. In each episode, I check in with a special guest. We have a Natter and a chat about all things mental health, as well as anything and everything else they are passionate about. If it helps that person with their mental health, we discuss it. My special guest for this episode is Jamie Hall. Jamie is part of Mandem Meetup Wolves, the Wolverhampton branch of Mandem Meetup, a grassroots charity promoting, correcting and improving the conversation around men's mental health and wellbeing. I have already checked in twice with the founder and CEO Jamie Dennis and a major part of Mandem Meetup Wolves Lee Edwards, and they are an organisation we support and endorse massively here at Vents and the Podcast. I asked Brother Lee for some guest recommendations, and one of the men he put me on to, I am checking in with today. Jamie became part of Mandem Meetup Wolves in 2023 when he messaged the founder of the Wolves branch, Christian, if he could get involved. He went on his first hike with them in the same year, and from there the rest is history. He now runs the Manden Meetup Wolves football team alongside another man called Danny Grady, who's taken the reins over from Lee, and he also leads on their homeless outreach program in the city too. In this episode, we first discussed Jamie's mental health journey. This includes being expelled from school and then having multiple prison sentences throughout a 20-year period. He was sent to prison for the first time when he was just 16 years old, and he was in and out after that point for a long time. In 2004, when Jamie was 24 years old, he lost his stepdad, who he views as his real father, as his biological father was never present in his life. He then became involved in football hooliganism and violence for a period of time. At 29, he moved out of the city with an ex partner. However, trouble still found him. He got into a fight in a local pub, went to prison for another year, came out and was then diagnosed with a brain tumour collapsing at a house party. After being hospitalized for it, he discovered he had an aneurysm on his brain at just 30 years old. Despite all of this, none of it was the wake-up call he needed at that point. At 33, he became a dad for the first time, but it was only joining Mandem Meetup Wolves, which he credits as the turning point in his life. He went to his first talking circle, which the organization runs, and after attending a few more, he plucked up the courage to speak himself and broke down. From there, he has turned his life around, gone from strength to strength, and the Mandem has been the vehicle for driving that. We then talk about all the work he does with Mandem Meetup Wolves, how it fuels his purpose and keeps his recovery on track, and how he reflects on the man he is now versus the lost soul in his twenties. Pods like this, listeners, are why I continue to do what I do. Recovery isn't linear, it isn't perfect, but it's how we as men own our experiences and use them to become better men as a result, which is what defines us. So this is how my conversation with Jamie Hall went. How are you on this Sunday morning, brother? Uh I'm alright though.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm good. I watched the England game last night, so I'm happier than I would have been today otherwise. Yeah, it could have been a whole new story. Yeah, I'm happy man. It's coming home, mate. Coming home 100%.
SPEAKER_02Let's hope so, mate. By the time this goes out, we'll either know if it's coming home or not. So yeah, we'll see how this goes. Let's manifest it. Your story is an absolute roller coaster, mate. It has so many twists and turns for us to discuss, and hopefully the listeners can be very well informed and enlightened by the end of this podcast. So without further ado and delay, are you ready to start the show and talk all about your amazing journey? Let's go, mate. Let's go. All midday. Let's dive straight in on this podcast, mate, by talking about your mental health journey, as all the work you do with Mandem comes from it and how you've turned pain into purpose, right? So I ask all my special guests on this topic this question first. You've listened to Brother Lee's, you've listened to Jamie, so you know what's coming. Take me back to early life in Wolverhampton, teenagers, and looking back, were there any early mental health experiences? If any, who's the Jamie we meet here?
SPEAKER_00Uh well, if we go back right to the start, I'd say I had a decent childhood. We didn't have much, but we had enough to survive. Going back back, like when I was younger, younger, I wasn't a bad kid. About 14, 15, say, nothing major after petty stuff. And then I got to 15, 16, I think, and then I I got done for an assault when I was 16. I got remanded, Young Offenders Institute in World Brampton. The first time I'd had a serious butcher with the law. Eye-opening experiences you can say as a 15-year-old kid sitting in a prison cell. Not the best, but it is what it is. And then I was in there, you know what kids are, they know what you like as a young lad, you know, everyone's bravado, everyone's this, everyone's that. Yeah, and then I was in for six months, came out, and then I just seemed to have this I don't know what it was, I just seemed to have this hatred for the police. Things had locked me away from my family. Only for six months, but it was long enough, you know what I mean. So I came out then, I'm at 16. Yeah, I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder, shall we say. And then I got myself in more dangerous than advanced crimes. It just escalated really. I think it was just I don't know, misplaced youth, I guess, or scenarios of what was happening. I think it was just the way I was at the time. Yeah, got to about 17, and then I was sent to jail again for another assault. Did my 18th birthday in there, one of my big birthdays, so that was my first one gone, 18th. Yeah, I got 12 months, got out again, and then I got done for I can't remember what it was now. So yeah, I went back to jail again at 19, stayed out for a while, and I got out. Yeah, I was 20. I got done for yeah, there's another of us also I think again. Got me manded again, sent to prison, did my 21st birthday in prison, so there's my first two big birthdays gone. I got out, yeah, 21, coming 22, and then I kept on the straight and narrow for a little bit. I'd already been involved in a little bit of football violence before that. I got back out, got involved with football violence again. Looking back on it now, it was just a sense of belonging. I think at some point, you know, it was a group of men together. It was just something to be a part of. Lost boys, bro. Lost boys, bro. It was just like a sense of belonging as well, you know what I mean? And false belonging, innit? It's the wrong sense of belonging, yeah. Yeah, it's his false, it is false belonging, but it was a belonging, if that makes sense. It was something that we went out together, we looked after each other, it was something we had, but yeah, looking back on it now, it's it wasn't the best, but it that was the life as it was as I was at the time. Yeah, so I was back involved with that, and then I was arrested. There was a fight in Warhampton City Centre. This was not one of the first defining moments that I should have got away from it, really. Yeah, there was a big fight in town, and it kicked off. You know, I'm not going to get into the details of it all, but it was a bad one. And I was caught on my mobile phone in the middle of the fight. I was like bringing the lads to see where they were. It was just an array of absolute carnage in Wolframpton. Yeah, and so I was caught on my phone, arrested, and I was like, yes, so I've got here we go again. Went through the all the evidence and stuff, speaking to my solicitor, and I was like, What we're looking at here for all this because it was a charge called Intended to Riot or Conspiracy to Riot, it was a serious charge, but I didn't understand what it was, this conspiracy business. So he goes, Yeah, probably about 10. And I was like, What ten months? I've already done 12 months before, easy work. And he went, Nah, mate, ten years. And I was like, You what? Excuse me. And he's like, Yeah, 10 years. And I was like, What do you mean, 10 years? And he went, Well, because people have been slashed, people got stabbed. It wasn't me, obviously, doing it. It was part of the whole offence. He says the same that you were basically organised a whole fight and all these people have injured because of you. And I was like, nah, it's not the case. And he's like, Well, that's what the police are saying. They're saying you conspired to cause this riot. I was like, oh no. Giddy me. And he was like, No, mate, you're in serious, serious trouble. So yeah, I got me mandated again. That was I was 24, looking at 10 years, not the best. Got me manded to Winston Green prison in Birmingham. Looking at 10 years, 10 years, 10 years. I was like, God, mate, well, no. So that's when like reality hit home, and I was sitting in that cell on my own thinking, come on, Jay, man, you've got to stop this at some point, you know what I mean? You're 24, 25, now you're ruining your life. Yeah, so I did it. I was on my man, went to trial after about 10 months. I was on my man in Winston Green. Went to trial and they dropped the majority of the charges. And I got done for a fray. And I got 10 months. Sorry, I got a 12 month, sorry, again. How I did that I don't know. So yeah, I went back to jail for a week, had to serve another week, and then I got out. Uh yeah, 24, 25. Plain sailing for a little bit, don't get me wrong, I was good. Obviously, because of my criminal convictions, I couldn't really get no full-time proper job, if you know what I mean. I couldn't nobody employ me because of my violent record. So I was already basically fucked, if you know what I mean. I tried to get good jobs, better jobs, better paid jobs, but because of my record already, I'd already done it, I'd already fucked it basically. And then I got into a situation where I was 29, yeah, 28, 29. I was in a place called Purton. Police, for some reason, I just still hated them. Even though looking back on it, no, they were just doing a job, man. But at the time I couldn't see past that, you know what I mean? I could just see police and I was like, yeah, of course. Any copper, even if I hadn't done nothing wrong, I was just like, oh, fucking idiot now. I look back at it now and I think, no. I was in Puritan, something happened with the police, they're still naming me, they were still after me all the time anyway, even though I was trying to keep out of trouble, they were still after me. Pulling me names, trying to promote me into a fight, and then eventually, yeah, I lost my temper in Perta one night and ended up knocking a copper out. Not one of my finest moments, but that's what happened. So yeah, I was demanded again. I kicked up in the police station with them. So yeah, I was demanded straight away again. I got 14 months for that in the end, so I pleaded guilty to assault police officer and a violent offence in the police station because I kicked off in the cells and just wrepped the cells and stuff, so I got done for that as well. And then I got out, yeah, I was 30, and then I was good. I had like a moment, yeah, I got diagnosed with a brain tumour, for brain growth, on a paturity gland at the back. That should have been a defining moment again for me to calm down and leave it alone. I didn't. I got into trouble again a few times, even with this injury in the back of my head. Still on the session, still drinking, still being that person. I got back involved with football violence again for a bit, but in the end, I yeah, it wasn't doing very good for me, so I tried to keep out of the way. I distanced myself from a lot of people. I tried to anyway, and then basically, yeah, I had my son, I met a girl, I had my son Jaden at 33. That changed my life then. That was like one of those moments where you try and change your life and try and do better. So, yeah, that's what I did. I had my son, they're 24-7 mustard. You know, I'm still in his life now. Obviously, he's upstairs asleep in bed, as they do, staying in bed till late. Yeah, I changed a lot of my ways then. I was still doing what I was doing, I was still getting in scrapes and fighting here and there in the pubs and still doing the drink and that, but I wasn't getting into so much crying. I was just still doing little bits, but nothing major, I think that makes sense. And then I got back with the football lads again, met a younger lot, and I was going out with them for a bit. I don't know why. It was just, I don't know, it was just me just wanting to belong with something again. Obviously, I've known violence all my life. I used to embrace it. It doesn't make sense, but it does. So I used to thrive off violence, I used to love violence, but yeah, it was just life for me, that was. It was just I enjoyed violence. It's a sad thing to say, but I did, but I enjoyed watching people fight and getting involved in fights and whatever. So yeah, I got involved back with the football lads again. And a police officer was not taking Wolframpton on an England game. So I was arrested for that conspiracy to commit violent disorder with a few other lads. We got released for Pending Food Inquiries. It was 2022, this was an England game. I got NFA'd last year for it, so 2025, we'd have been waiting to see what's going on. I was not let go, I didn't get charged with that one. So yeah, in 2024, I was just scrolling through Instagram. Yeah, I saw this man den meetup on Instagram. I'm like, lad, I know Christian Denton, you know yourself. And I was just like, What's this all about then? What's Denny doing here? What's going on? Seeing him climbing up mountains and stuff. What's Christian doing here? This is seems a bit not like him. So yeah, I messaged Christian and just said, What's this man den meetup, bro? What's all this about? He went, Do you know what, bro? I've been waiting for you to contact me to see what's going on. And I was like, Oh, what? Really? He was like, bro, honestly. So I was thinking about it the other day, and I was like, yeah, he says, So you messaging me, because Christian's quite bad for not messaging people back. It takes a long time sometimes. He'll kill me for this as well. But he knows. He messaged me back literally within five minutes, and I was like, Oh, okay, alright, mate. And he was like, Yes, sir. He says, You know me, I never message anyone back that quick. He says, But when I saw your name pop up on there asking about landing meetup, I just knew it was a sign. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, What's this all about? Then he went, Come and have a look, bro. Come and see what we're about here. And I trust Chris you in my life. So yeah, I went along to a meeting over Pendiford, the old Pendyford shops, it's gone now, but yeah, when you seen him, and there was another lad called Ricky Briffa, bless him, killed himself two years ago, now three years ago, our friend. He was a big person, he was doing man them already. And when I knew them pair were there, I was like, yeah, yeah, I trust these guys in my life. I've been in the trenches with these boys. If they're saying nothing to man them meet, I've got to come and have a look, what's going on, I've got to come and see myself. So yeah, I went to a meeting, I went to a talking circle. Yeah, it's weird to say it because when I first went there, I was like, what the fuck is this? What's this like? It was basically like what we do now. It was lads sat round a table, there's about 12 lads there, I think, people take, and then Danny and Baby sit down on the table and say, sit there, bro, and just embrace it. Listen, this is what we're about here, this is where the magic happens, and the meetup. So I sat down at this talking circle, listened to these lads talking and sharing, and I was like, What we're doing here? What's going on? What's what's this? It was new to me, it was something I'd never done before. It was something I was like, is this really meant? Yeah, so I sat at this table with these lads who I didn't know. The only person I knew there at the time is Christian, didn't I? Didn't know none of these lads, all races, ages. And I was like, alright, sound, alright, sweet. So I just sat there, didn't speak, listened to everyone else, and then I just saw them at the end, we give each other a spud and a hug, you know what I mean? Well they did, I didn't. I was just watching them, and I was like, it's pretty cool, this, you know. It seems genuine, it seems real, and I was like, yeah, don't get me wrong, it's fucking strange as fuck. And I was like, I didn't understand it at the time, but it felt good if that makes sense. It looked weird, but it made sense as well. It was just men openly talking their problems that were going on, what they'd been going through that week, and I was like, you know, people do actually listen to each other a lot, people do actually talk. Men ain't supposed to be like that, that I thought at the time. Men don't do their things like this, but they do. That's what I first saw when I was pumped to Mandem. So yeah, I started getting involved with Mandem a lot. Yeah, this was in the June when I started. I went on my first hike after about two months, I think, something like that. Absolutely blown out my ass. And I mean, bad. I went up a mountain. I mean, I'd never really seen the mountain apartment on the tele. I went up, don't know where it was somewhere in Wales. I think I nearly died about four times going round. It was bad. I was blowing, put it that way. But I got round at the end, we all give a hug. It was just one of those nice things to do. And I was like, do you know what? I could see myself doing this. This feels good, it feels normal. There was no, I don't know, I can't explain. It's how I felt, it made me feel good. So yeah, I started coming to a lot of man dam stuff over the next few months, talking circles. I did the hikes, reeking hikes, stuff like that. And then it came to the Christmas, and I was like, New Year's Eve. I'm still drinking still on the Sash from the June up until the December when I first joined, and I was like, I need to change this, man. I've got another chance at life. I feel here, and another perspective of doing something different to what I used to do all my life. I went out New Year's Eve, I said to myself at half eleven, I'm gonna have my last drink and my last bag at half past eleven, and after 12 o'clock, I'm absolutely done with the both. 12 o'clock came, about half past 12. I went home, and that was on New Year's Day, obviously New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. Went home and then I never touched nothing again since and I went cold turkey from that day, and I'm nearly three years clean January this year. So yeah, I stuck to my guns, it was hard for the first six months. I didn't think I was that bad, quite clearly was, but yeah, I rattled for a bit off everything, but I stuck to my guns, I stuck to what I was wanting to do, and uh three years clean this year, yeah, and that was through help of Mandem, that's through help of having brothers there to listen to me, to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on. Since I've joined Mandem, all my old friends that used to hang around me, stuff like that, not one of them's ever messaged me since. So, what does that tell you about friendships of loyalties of who people are, you know what I mean? They're not your friends, they're just acquaintances, and when you've got nothing to offer them, you ain't no one. So Mandem are my brothers now. I've been at Mandem now near enough from the start. It's three years doing actually. Since I've joined Mandem now, I help run the football team with uh a lad called Danny Grady. I run the homeless outreach every first Friday of the month, every month, in Warbrand of the Good Shepherd Trust. I get myself stuck in with anything, anything that Mandam needs me to do, I'll go in and do anything really. What else do I do? I've got a new HQ as well. So I'm always down there 24-7, majority of the time, working down there. That's going to be like a Warbrunton, it's a wellness centre for men, because it's about what I'm about now is it's literally helping people, he's helping men, helping young lads. We've got a youth then program down there as well. And basically, I just want to be someone that people can come and talk to, come and lean on, come and speak to, and just basically be there for all men, really. I've got life experience in everything that's been going on, you know what I mean? So I just want to be that shining life for people, because deep down that's what it's all about. If I can change the way I've been, the way I've done the life I've had to help people know what I'm doing, because I do help men. People come and chat to me when I'm out and about, people chat to me through man, all the new lads that join, I do the WhatsApp group, I've talked to the men for an hour or so before I join them, let them join the chat just to get a little figure out about them. My past, you know, it doesn't define social monies, you know what I mean. You think that the person who I was and the people who knew me before to um what I do now. I get the odd person every now and again that someone says, Well, I have heard that I was fake and stuff like that, but you know, which I think it's just people that don't realise that there is change in people. I've changed for the better. I've changed a lot of my things. I've changed my friendships. I've got a new bunch of brothers now, as my friends, and yeah, I've just changed my life, you know, expecting which I didn't think I'd do again, obviously with who I was. I'm expecting my second child in November, little boy. Yeah, so at 46 I'm gonna be changing nappies, doing teasing with having Mandem and having this platform to change my life and me putting the work in myself, you've got to put the work in yourself. Like we say at Mandem, it starts with you and it ends with you. Mandem's just a platform to use for all things you need doing. But the work has got to come from yourself. You've got to do it yourself. I did it myself with help, but the work came from me, I wanted to change. You've just got to find that way to change, really. So I'm changing. I've changed a lot. I just want to keep on doing what I'm doing. People say I'm boring, though. Well, I'm not boring. I found peace with the person who I was and who I am now. I've found peace. I'm happy who I am. I just go to work, I go down to HQ, I'm in a dance group, 180 dance, I play dance, online dance. I watch the football and I do normal stuff, but I call it being safe and being happy. I've got a beautiful family, beautiful partner. I'm happy with the way I'm going. I'm happy with the way life is moving. I give myself a second chance. I had a second chance, you know, and I'm just embracing that really with helping every single man that I can help now.
SPEAKER_02Right, and breathe. You've just spoken uninterrupted for 25 minutes, mate. That is a serious go. That's almost a skill. That's almost a skill to do. Right. You've taken a complete sledgehammer to my running order, answered almost every single question I had. So let's take a couple of steps back before we reflect. When you came out of prison for the third time, you were 24 years old, and your stepfather died. You went through a massive period of grief. Well, just focus on this before you reflect, because I think it's key to do so. Your biological dad wasn't around when you were growing up. Tell me what your stepfather's name was, your relationship with him, and the man he was. And yeah, mate. Try not to make this 25 minutes uninterrupted again if you can.
SPEAKER_00I'll tell you about that. When I get going, I get going. Yeah, it's Big Tim, Big Tim Davis. Yeah, he was with my mum from 18 months old to basically when they split up and I was 17. So yeah, the geese that was there all my whole life. Yeah, basically, he was my dad. I had a real dad. Yeah, and he brought me up all the way through, basically. And he got cancer, went into remission, but then some of it had been missed, it went to his brain, so he had a stroke, he died about two weeks after having the stroke, and that was a 24, yeah, 24, yeah. So yeah, basically after that, really, I would have gone through all the stories of why it could have affected me as well, but like I say, I should have waited. Yeah, it affected me tough. I had no father figure then, and I think that could have been a lot of the reasons why I did what I did. My mum did her best, don't get me wrong, but not having that father figure around, you know, a young age like that, 24, brain still developing and stuff. I think I had no one to tell me what to do. So I could just do what I wanted to do, because I I did. I didn't have no one to say, don't do that, don't do that. So I had a free reign to do whatever I want. I was my own man. I was the father at the time then, you know, and I think as you can see, in and out of jail, you can get me anywhere, really, you know. I think I needed that father figure still to try and guide me. So that's why I guess I found solace in other things.
SPEAKER_02When you joined Mandem, how much of it was finding a new brotherhood, and how much of it was you being conscious of the fact that you didn't have that father figure for a long period of your life, and maybe wanting to provide it for some of these other boys and young men as well, who maybe didn't have what you had too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Joining Mandem, I'd say it was it was like three or four years ago. Joining and seeing just like normal men as well, you know, to be fair, it was like it's hard to explain. I joined, obviously, I saw Christian online doing what he was doing, but then when I joined, it was something there. I had never had in my life, I'd never had nothing like that. You know what I mean? I'd never seen men and people reacting as they do. I'd never seen it. It was just something, it was helping each other the way they'd done that. When I didn't like the older lads with the younger lads in the group at the time, I thought to myself, I never had that. A lot of lads didn't have that, and I didn't have that. But when I joined Man Dem and I saw what they were doing with the younger generation of lads and the way they were trying to guide them, I thought, yeah, man, I missed that growing up. I think when I joined, it was like I was one of them kids as well. I wasn't a man that joined, a fully grown man, a father. It was like I was back the child and I was learning again, I was learning to have that. But they're the same age as me. I'm probably older than them, you know what I mean? But it was having that father figure to talk to as well and listen to, and be able to speak to someone and share how I was feeling. I wasn't doing it at the time before Mandem and previously in my life, and that the way I wouldn't bottle it up, I'd explode with acts of violence. That was my release. Like now, since joining Mandem, I've found to just talk. If you've got something wrong with you, speak to another man, speak to a brother. I've got problems, we all still go through problems now, we're all going through problems, but I'm going through stuff at the moment myself. We've got that space here at Mandev that it's something good. There's other mental health groups around, you know, like Primal Instincts and the Breath of Life in Wolverhampton and Telford and that and other ones, but we've got something good there. Something really good, and I'm proud to be a part of it.
SPEAKER_02Let's reflect on your mental health journey now, mate. So, first of all, if your stepdad was listening to this podcast, having seen what you've gone on to achieve, taking yourself back to the right path, become a dad, hopefully, fingers crossed for a second time soon, what would you say to him and what do you think he would say to you?
SPEAKER_00Um what he would say to me, I think he's easy. He'd be proud, man. He'd be proud.
SPEAKER_01Um take your time, man. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he'd be proud, man, because it's one of them times sometimes when I thought I thought I'd be lost, man, and I was lost when I think Yeah, it took me a long time to without Mandem, I wouldn't be here like the way I am now. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing, I wouldn't be here. You know, I was lost, man, broken. I didn't know how bad it was till I joined Mandem, but yeah. Yeah. My brain's gone completely fussborn now. He'd call me on the spot there. He'd be proud, man. I know he would he knew the struggles I was going through, but he couldn't see him, he couldn't help me with them himself. I know he wanted the best for me, and he always wanted trying to help and stuff like that. And sometimes I'd throw it away, sometimes I'd argue with him and we'd argue over stuff because but if he was watching this now, if he could see this now he'd know, he'd be happy, man. Yeah. He would, he'd be proud. That's all I ever really wanted, to be honest. I don't see anything what I do for um for people to say, oh yeah, it was do it. Well yeah. I don't do it for that. I just do it because I want to do it. You know, I do it for myself and I do it because I want to help people, and that's just generally what I want to do. How do you remember him now? How do you keep his memory close? When I have my times, I go fishing a lot as well, because obviously when the health issues I had last year, I've got a little spot where I'll go fishing, and I always go down there because I get my time to myself, that's my little safe space. No one really comes past there anymore. Back in the day, it was a busy place, but no, no one really goes down fishing there now, and it's quiet. Yeah, I just go down there, I reflect, I do my videos. If I put something on TikTok or Facebook, I do certainly every once every say six months or something. I put a little video up to see how I'm getting on to people. I don't do it all the time. I just every now and again I go, Oh, yeah, I'll do a video, let's do another one. And it's like a little setting I do. Yeah, I just think about him a lot. Just think, you know, Christmas time still. I mean, he's been it's over 20 years, he's been dead now, you know what I mean? Something like that. So still cuts deep sometimes, you know. I know he'd have loved to have met my kids, you know, my boys. He was more my father than a man, so Tim, big Tim. He'd be proud, man. I think he'd be proud of who I'd become. I finally got there. I finally got there after how many years, you know what I mean? From then obviously joining Mandem, and I finally got a chance to make people proud of me, make people go, yeah, do you know what? Like my mum says shit I'll give her over the years as well. You know, it's when I look back at it, I think she only wanted the best of me, and I've two police locking the door all the time and getting sent to prison and what she must have thought, trying to protect me and that. She knows now, she's proud of me now. No, she loves it, she loves telling people the stuff, and she's sharing my stuff on Facebook, all the Mandem stuff, and telling all the friends what I'm doing and stuff like that. So it's nice to people to see me who I am now, not who I was before, you know what I mean. Genuine people they come up and speak to me because years ago that nobody would approach me the way I was. But now, since I was joining Mandem and I've doing what I'm doing, people who approach me all the time asking me to can I help their sons who are struggling and stuff like that. These local people who've never really speaked to me back in the day, wouldn't it be with a pilot bar, mate? You know what I mean? But these people who've been boxing me on Facebook saying, Hi Jamie, I've seen what you're doing, could you help my son? He's struggling, you know, and that's good to know that people actually look at me in a different light now, because I'm not the thug that I was years ago. It's just nice to be nice, isn't it? By helping my own mental health. So I've struggles every now and again, everyone struggles, don't they? Different life scenarios. But if I can show people the stuff that I've gone through, if I can just help them in any way, I think that would be enough for me just to save one man. Brother's life, it'd be good enough for me, but we're saving more, we're manned.
SPEAKER_02As a final question, if you could go back and talk to that 16-year-old Jamie who was sitting in that prison cell for the first time, the 30-year-old Jamie who'd just been told he had a brain aneurysm, or the 33-year-old Jamie who had just become a dad for the first time, what would you say to him, knowing what you do now, if anything at all, mate?
SPEAKER_00Um I'd just be like, don't go down this path. There's things you can do that just please listen to me. Don't go down that path. There's a whole world out there that you can go and get involved in. And it's it's hard to work, that's a good question. Apart from slapping him and just saying that's a whole new perspective of life, there's a whole new way of dealing with your life and making your life work. You don't need to be doing this what you're doing.
SPEAKER_02We've spoken a little bit about it already, mate, but I want to dive into all the incredible work you do with Mandem Meetup Wolves. You've spoken about your mental health journey and how it's fueled it, how it's given you purpose and meaning and belonging, right, in a positive way. But you also lead on several projects within Mandem. So, as well as the talking circle that you participated in, you're also a facilitator for any new brother joining Mandem Meetsup Wolves. Tell me about that, and then also tell me about the homeless outreach stuff that you do and then the football team as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, basically, yeah, I'm sort of filled out for wolves. I interact with all the new men that come into the group. I'm on the WhatsApp group. What I'll do is I'll talk to them for about half an hour before just to get a few gists about them because we do get a few dodgy ones coming in to try to infiltrate the group. I don't know why people do it, but they do. So yeah, so I'll talk to them and make sure they're not a bot, make sure they're not dodgy. Why would you infiltrate them in a little group, you know? But they do. So yeah, so I've talked to them a good half an hour, asking where they're from, how they are, and stuff like that for a good half an hour, and then I add them to the chat, get them in, and they go on their own journey then with us. Yeah, basically, I took on Lee Edwards with doing the homeless outreach. He couldn't do it more because obviously he's getting his own workplace up in the running and stuff like that. Family life work. So we wanted someone to pass it on to, and he said, Do you want to do the homeless outreach for me? And I was like, Yeah, I've got to help Lee on previous occasions anyway, a few times, getting the gifts of what was going on. And I was like, Yeah, man, no problem, mate. He went, Well, I couldn't think anyone else better to trust to do it for me, to carry it on for us from and then. He says, You look for it? I went, Yeah, come on, bro, you've got to ask. I know it's a big part of War Brampton. War Brampton people need that homeless outreach. There's a lot of people in worse situations than us, man, they've got nothing. So yeah, now I go out everywhere collecting the donations of everyone, take them all down to the HQ, sort through them all, put them all into men's, women's, kids', different sections. I've got a little setup down there now, the HQ, where all the clothes are all together. Bag them all up, send them all up, and then we go through up the homeless outreach and and hand the clothes out. It gives a lot of meaning. It's one of those things you've got everything we do at Mandem, but and that's why Lee loved it so much, and I know I do it. It gives you purpose, man. They're doing a lot of genuine people, and you know, and you see them struggling, they're you know, they're happy to get an old top. That's why I wanted to carry that homeless outreach on for Lee, and because I know how much it means to the community in Wolverhampton. I enjoy doing that. Yeah, the football team that was also run by Lee, it's like I took all these jobs here, isn't it? But they haven't. He passed them on because he's a busy man. Yeah, so yeah, he's run by Danny Grade, you know, great footballer. I'll tell you get that in front. Yeah, he's a good guy, so I helped Danny out with the football when he's not there when he's there as well. Yeah, he brings the lads together, they're all ages, like I say, all ages, races, religions, doesn't matter what you are, just to kick them out on a Monday night. So, yeah, we do that. We have literally just had a couple of games because we wanted this and charity games. We went down to Wales for our first international against Worth United. Yeah, beat them 5-1. And then we had another game last week, lost 5-4 in that one. So just a community of lads, it is a bit of fun. Deep down it is, it's just men with mental health issues, just having luck, somewhere to go. The football is so yeah, we're getting charity games in now to give lads an opportunity, you know, just express themselves and have a bit of fun, and just as a brotherhood of the community, we are at the football. So, yeah, it's good to be involved in that as well. It's good to see young lads, old like me, still getting involved, having a good laugh, you know what I mean. It's a community there, obviously we're still at the talking circles, but for me, and a lot of lads will tell you, it's where the magic happens. We listen, we speak, we talk, you know, with no interruptions, no judgments. There's no time limiting, you take as long or as less as you want, then you just say what you need to say. So yeah, I'll get involved with them. And they've got a new HQ in Wolverhampton down by Pennyford. It's going to be the first men's wellness centre. I thought it was in Wolverhampton, but Jamie Manchester seems to think it's in Britain. So it's good, it's great down there. We just get into work on it every day. I'm down there most days, cracking on, I just want to get it done, get it finished. First of all, it will be for men's mental health, it's for many meeting it's a hate queue for us. But we are going to interact into the community. It's going to be open for everyone, for everyone to come down and enjoy. We've got ax throwing down there, air rifles, archery down in the bushcraft area. Got a gym, we've built a gym in there, we've got Tri House. We are in the process of tomorrow, Monday. I've got to meet Seven Trent down there, and they're going to be digging off the football picture and the basketball court for us. But we just keep cracking on. That place down there. We had the place called Get An Earth over Technol, which is our safe space to do our working, working apes and all our stuff, meditation and stuff down there. But we've got this new HQ now, and it's just it's a good old place, man. It gives you peace. I go down there when I'm struggling or I'm doing stuff anyway. I'm working, I'm grafting down there, but I'm not. I'm finding peace down there. It's it's a it's a safe haven space, so yeah, I'll just get involved with anything I can with Mandem. I want to be the person that people can speak to. So anything that Mandem needs me to do, I'm on it.
SPEAKER_02In your twenties, mate, you were breaking the trust of a lot of people who believed in you, your mum, your stepdad, you were letting people down with the prison sentences. Now you're trusted. You are a role model for these young lads, for the older lads, lads even maybe older than you. How do you reflect on that?
SPEAKER_00I just I just no words. I I don't look at any kind of validation for it. I had my struggles, you know, what I did. I've got to own them. I made those decisions to do that. And you can never take them back. You can't take anything back you've done. I look back and I think sometimes you know of things I've done. But if I didn't do what I'd done in the past, I wouldn't have had the chance to do what I do now. Everything I've done up to now defined who I am now. And the way I've changed it, I changed it up, I've levelled up. I just like being the person who I am now, from the person who I was. If people feel and the people know now they can come and speak to me about anything, people trust me with stuff, people who I never thought would trust me, people's parents and people from my local area that I used to tear always all them years. They look at me different now, they look at me like they go, Do you know what? It has actually changed. I've spoken to a few people, I've seen them. I mean, I can go in a pub now because I don't drink, I don't need to. Doesn't even entertain me no more. So I can go in a pub and people are like, you know what? You're actually alright, eh, are you? And I'm like, oh well, yeah, well, you always have been there, but you haven't. You've been an absolute bell-in, but you sound, no. And I'm like, I changed my life, I changed it for myself, and I I had to change, otherwise I'd either be life off now or dead in a box, you know what I mean? So I had to do it. So that was my story to do, you know, and I made that change. I used Mandem, I used the platform, but I put the work in myself, you know, with their help, it was my work, so I'm proud of the way I've done it.
SPEAKER_02And just building on that, as you reflect, what has been your proudest achievement being part of Mandem so far, mate?
SPEAKER_00Um, I think the proudest achievements for me, I think, would be one of them is getting clean. There's a lot of things I'm proud of since I've joined, to be fair, but I think getting clean and changing my whole life knowing because I didn't realise how much of a factor he was being on the session and that, but it was, man, because now I have my son, you know. Sometimes when I had my son with me and all the other fathers in the pub, and they'd sit in the pub all day and that, but they were having a laugh. But since I stopped drinking and I've got sober, I've got a lot more energy now. Still creak like an old church door, obviously, we do like that, because I am 46 shit, you know, but I can do more. I never thought I'd be running around a football pitcher at 45, you know what I mean, stuff like that. So I've got myself fitter, and even my son's like, oh my dad, I'm glad you don't drink no more, man, because you can do more stuff with me as you couldn't before.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, yeah, man.
SPEAKER_00So getting clean is a good one for me, you know, with just being able to be around my family and my friends and stuff, and it doesn't revolve around that. I can actually have decent conversations with people, and you know, I used to mask problems with drinking drugs, easy escape routes, but now I deal with them head on. God yeah, cause me grief, don't get me wrong, but I'll deal with them in a normal manner. So I think getting sober is up there for one of the good ones, but Mandam as a whole, yeah, it's changed my life, man. You know, and it's out there for everyone to do. You know, is good enough for me.
SPEAKER_02And as a final question before we move on, what has been part of it in the last three and a half years, mate, taught you about yourself?
SPEAKER_00Man, it's taught me a lot about myself. It's taught me how to deal with situations where in other worlds I would have just reacted with just straight slam bum, you know, your door's coming off kind of scenario. But now I have like a different outlook on how to deal with situations when situations arise and you know and stresses get me. It's like I deal with them in a whole different manner now when I'm out and about in the areas and stuff, and I'm seeing people doing stuff that they shouldn't be doing or arguing or fighting or stuff. I calm stuff down and just I talk to people on a level, you know. I wouldn't have been able to do that before. I'd have just probably just got involved with them and took the easy route out. All the problems I've got and the stuff I do, I deal with them head on. It's taught me to love people more, you know, love myself a bit more. It's just taught me to be a better person, it's taught me that life does go on. Look, there is a life out there you can lead if you do want to change your life and help yourself, which I've done, you know what I mean. So having that group, having that people with no agenda around you and that actually do want to see you do good and not just use you, you know what I mean? That that's been a massive step for me to have people on that, they're my friends, circle now, they're my friends, they're my trustees, you know, apart from a select few people, they're the only people I really talk to.
SPEAKER_02Our final topic of conversation, Jay, and it's one I try and have with all of my special guests if we have time. It is a general natter, quick fire, lightning round about our mental health. So, firstly, how is your mental health out of 10, bro? Uh, I'm about a five.
SPEAKER_00I've still got a lot of struggles going on, but I'm dealing with them in a better manner now. No, I'm sorry, but I'm good.
SPEAKER_02What age were you when you became self-aware of your mental health and you realized that the feelings you were having weren't physical and they were actually in your mind?
SPEAKER_00Since I joined Manda. Till I sat down and spoke to men. Spoke and actually like we made me the same scenarios. I never thought I had no problems till I dove into it and actually got to the root of my problems.
SPEAKER_02My next question is I think I know the answer to this one already, but I'm gonna ask it anyway. Tell me about the first or the most important conversation you've ever had with someone about your mental health. So who was it with? What did you say, and how do you look back on it? Did it feel like the big moment and weight have been lifted off you or something quite easy and normal to do?
SPEAKER_00Again, it would be when I first started London. I never spoke to anyone about it in my life until I spoke to Christian, Daddy, and Briffa, Ricky Briffa, God bless him. Without them pair, I wouldn't be here because I've been with them in the trenches before with the walls. I could speak to them and I could open up to them. Yeah, that was the first time I really thought about it talking to them in this world, not that world. That was our first moment, you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_02What things do you find in life, bro? That trigger your mental health. So it could be things people say to you, it could be a sound, a smell, a taste, a sensation, or have you not figured all of them out yet?
SPEAKER_00Um, with personal stuff I've got going on at the moment, I think a lot for me, the thing that trigger me is not really bullies, people that bully other people. Even though I've never been a bully myself, you know, I got involved in violence and stuff, I've never been a bully, and I can't stand someone that belittles someone. Yeah, bullies is a trigger for me. I think that's my main one. I can't stand anyone that victimizes someone for no reason.
SPEAKER_02Conversely, bro, what positive tools do you use to improve your mental health on a daily basis and help you feel better? Which ones have worked for you and which ones have you tried but haven't?
SPEAKER_00Um well mental health, the ones I've tried is obviously drinking drugs. That didn't serve me any well. You know what I mean? That wasn't a good one, though. But positive ones, I think, for me, I found it hard to do is me being me. It's just talking to people like if you can, obviously, men being men, you know, we still think we can't. But you can. You can talk to people, you can cry to people. You know, I've got close people in the man them. Obviously, I love all the brothers, but you're there's always lads you speak to more in a group than you do others, you know. And I've I've got like a a few lads who I've I've only met through Mandem and I trust them in my life, and we trust each other. Through our struggle, we talk to each other, and if you've got something going on, we've got an inner circle in the man dem group as well, which is like a where you can share a little bit. But yeah, seven them brothers to talk to and someone to talk to is good to be no judgment.
SPEAKER_02If there was a mantra in life that summed up your mental health, what would it be and why?
SPEAKER_00For me, it's just like never give up. You can always achieve something if you put the work in. You can get there, just try. Just always try. Have a go.
SPEAKER_02Two questions left, bro. The first one is what do you love about yourself?
SPEAKER_00Um everything, look at me. No jokes. At the moment, I don't big myself up. All I can say is I just love the way I can be, you know, the way I can try and not be that person no more. That I just love having the opportunities that I've been given to make a change, if that makes sense, and just for me, the love for myself I do like the way I've done it, but for me, my love for myself would just be helping other men.
SPEAKER_02And as a final question, what more do you think we have to do to ensure men from all social classes, all backgrounds, all religions, all walks of life feel comfortable and safe in opening up about their mental health issues or just their general mental health if most importantly they want to do it?
SPEAKER_00Um like I say, you can't pressure anyone to do anything, it's gotta be on their terms. It's simple as that. You can't say to someone, do this, do that, do that, because you're just gonna push them away. Basically, like what I do is or if I see people around or if they they do join the chat or I see 'em, you know, you just gotta go slowly with them and just you haven't got to like say what's going on, really. You just go, How are you, mate? How are you? How are you feeling? Okay. And if they say, Yeah, sometimes you know they're lying. It doesn't matter. You can you just gotta be nice and slow and just you know, don't rush anyone. Everyone's at their own different journeys, they have different levels of you know, so you just gotta be patient and just basically just know that they've got someone to talk to, you know, and in their own time and whether they want to speak, they speak or they don't, just let them be around the men if they want to join Mandem. You know, there's other mental health groups around as well. You know, just if you're a family member or someone who knows someone who's going through struggles, just don't push them into anything. Just literally guide them and say, Have you seen this? Have you seen Mandem Meet? Have you seen this? Have a look at this if it's good. Don't go, don't do that. Let everyone do it in their own time, but just give them that option to take that step, you know what I mean? And if they want to take it, they'll take it and then get to Mandem Meetup and come and meet me. Everything's good.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's a great way to end it. Jamie, we got there in the end. Thank you so much for coming on the Just Check It In podcast and talking to me, brother. Thank you very much, mate. Thank you. Well, that's all we've got time for on this episode of the Just Checking In pod. A big thank you to Jamie for being my special guest and for letting me check in with him. I'll put some links to where you can find out more about all the incredible work Mandem Meetup does and its walls branch in the show notes, as well as where you can follow them on social media too. As always, thank you to all the vendors who've checked in on this episode. Remember, if you've liked what you've heard, give it a share on social media and spread the word by tagging us at VentHelp UK. You can also tell your friends, family or work colleagues about us. You can also write us a review and give us a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also support us at Patreon at www.patreon.com slash venthelpuk or make a one-off donation to our PayPal. Both of those links are on our link tree. That's linktr.ee slash vent helpuk. We hope to check in with you again very soon. And remember guys, it is always okay to vent.
