JCIP #363 - Simon Whitmore

In episode 363 of The Just Checking In Podcast we checked in with Simon Whitmore.

Simon is part of an organisation called Spoke To A Bloke. 

Spoke To A Bloke is a men’s mental health charity, which was founded in Australia by three men called Scott, Paul and Matt after their friend Nick Dunn tragically took his own life in 2021. Before he did, he would organise an annual 25k men's mental health walk in the country.

After they did the first memorial ‘Nick’s Walk’ in 2022, Spoke To A Bloke was formed.

Simon came on board through charity ambassador James Kennedy, and became the Brighton Walk Leader for the annual occasion.

Since then, he has started more events on a more regular basis, including ‘Climb For A Bloke’ at his local climbing centre.

In this episode we talk about his mental heath journey, which involved a lot of issues with his family during his childhood, which carried on into his adulthood.

These traumatic childhood memories eventually led to Simon's mental health state becoming so severe that he came very close to taking his own life at the start of 2026.

This rock bottom was also his turning point and since then he has taken ownership of his mental health and gotten the support he needs to turn his life around.

We talk about him getting involved in Spoke To A Bloke, leading the Brighton leg of the annual Walk event, and the impact it had on him and the thousands of other men who got involved with it.

As always, #itsokaytovent

You can follow Spoke To A Bloke on social media below: 

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• TikTok

TRIGGER WARNING: this podcast contains a deep discussion about suicide and suicidality, which some listeners may find distressing or upsetting, so please listen with caution.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Trigger Warning. This podcast contains discussions about suicide, which some listeners may find distressing or upsetting. So please listen with caution. Hi Venters, welcome back to another episode of the Just Checking In Podcast. I'm your host, Freddie Cocker, and this podcast is brought to you by Vent, a place where everyone, but especially men and boys, can open up about their mental health issues, break down stigmas, and start conversations. In each episode, I check in with a special guest. We have a natter and a chat about all things mental health, as well as anything and everything else they are passionate about. If it helps that person with their mental health, we discuss it. My special guest for this episode is Simon Whitmore. Simon is part of an organization called Spoke to a Bloke. Spoke to a Bloke is a men's mental health charity which was founded in Australia by three men called Scott, Paul, and Matt, after their friend Nick Dunn tragically took his own life in 2021. Before he did, he would organise an annual 25k men's mental health walk in the country. And after they did the first Memorial NYX walk in 2022, Spoke to a Bloke was founded. Simon came on board through charity ambassador James Kennedy, and Simon became the Brighton walk leader for the annual occasion in the UK. Since then, he has started more events on a regular basis, including Climb for a Bloke at a local climbing center. In this episode, we talk about Simon's mental health journey first, which involved a lot of issues with his family during his childhood and which carried on into his adulthood. Simon says he has blanked out most of his childhood memories, including feelings of being unloved and uncared for, which eventually led him to his mental health state becoming so severe that he came very close to taking his own life at the start of 2026. This rock bottom was also his turning point, and since then he has taken ownership of his mental health and gotten the support he needs to turn his life around. We then talk about him getting involved in Spoke to a Bloke, leading the Brighton leg of the annual walk event, and the impact it's had on him and the thousands of other men who got involved with it. So this is how my conversation with Simon Whitmore went. Simon, welcome to the Just Check In Pod. Thank you so much for letting me check in with you, mate. Our mutual connection, James Kennedy, who is charity ambassador for Spoke to a Bloke, is the reason we are checking in. You told me all about your amazing story. How are you on this bank holiday Monday morning? I'm really good, mate, and thank you very much for having me. It's a real pleasure and privilege to be here. You're very welcome, mate. You've only recently at Time Recording been through some really severe mental health difficulties, but you come through the back of that. You've overcome them. Obviously, everything's a work in progress, but I'm really excited to talk about your story. Without further ado, are you ready to start the show and talk all about your amazing journey? Absolutely, yes. Let's start your podcast side by talking about your mental health journey first, as it's led to all the brilliant work you do now with Spoker Bloke. You've turned pain into purpose, shall we say. So take me back to early life first, teenagers, and looking back, were there any early mental health experiences, if any? Who's the Simon we meet here?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Absolutely, there was. As a child and young person, I really felt unloved and uncared for in the family home. It wasn't abusive, it wasn't cruel or unkind or anything like that, but there was never a feeling of connection and never feeling of being wanted or understood within the family. I always felt a little bit second best to my sibling. And lots of people say that about their childhood, and lots of people have those similar experiences, and it wasn't till sort of adulthood when I spoke to family, friends, and others that they sort of recognised and acknowledged that yeah, that they'd seen that in my childhood as well, which was kind of nice for me in some ways, and sort of reaffirmed that what I was feeling wasn't made up, and feelings are always genuine, feelings are personal when that's how I felt, but for other people to have similar perceptions was quite impactful for me. And like I said, it wasn't abusive, it wasn't nasty relationships. And although I've blanked out a lot of my childhood, I just never felt loved or cared for or understood, and that went right into my teens, and that lack of connection, that lack of want from other people probably led to a lot of the issues that I experience today.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

It's really powerful what you said there, mate. And the fact that you said other people affirmed back to you what your feelings were, was that almost a relief? Because I know sometimes people can get into their head about was this real? Was it imagined? Was it a perception that was perhaps maybe false? But the fact that other people mirrored that back to you, was that quite validating it, although it was obviously painful at the same time?

SPEAKER_01 5:24

It really was, and it just gave that sort of validity to those feelings and people acknowledging that actually it wasn't made up, and the reasons behind the feelings were genuine as well. And I lost my dad a few years ago, ten years ago this year, and we never had a chance to sort of set that record straight. Although the relationship got better as I got older and I started the family, it was never great. And even with my mum who's still about, we've only just started talking about again after a period, and again, it's it's still not great, and I sort of think back to it now and think back to their childhood. My dad lost his dad when he was very young. My mum was in the military family, and my granddad was a soldier in the Second World War and a career soldier after that. So she was always moved from pillar to post. So there's a little bit of me that sort of acknowledges that they had a lack of on model, I guess, to build upon and and to understand, and perhaps some of that lack of empathy and connection in their own lives, and certainly as a couple, they were never connected. So that story runs through both generations of the family.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

I mean, learned behaviour can be good and bad depending on the behaviour, right? And it sounds like they got sadly caught in that cycle of emotional closeness. I want to come back to the coping mechanism you talked about, mate, which is the fact that you said you blanked out a lot of your childhood memories, right? So, A, was that a survival tool? And B, speaking from my own experience, when I was severely bullied for a very long time, when I worked through it in therapy, I learned that I created this protector, right, that allowed me to survive through school. But I was still carrying that protector into my early 20s and into my late 20s when I had to remove him. Do you have any commonality with that? And if so, when did you remove your own protector, mate, and allow you to kind of live life to the full?

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Um, I think if I'm honest, I've never fully removed that protector. And even yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think this year is probably the first time in my adult life I fully acknowledge it sits there and I sort of sit and I guard and I'm very guarded about who I talk to. I'm very open for other people to come to, but I don't allow myself to be open. When I think back to my childhood, that protector of almost that shield of helping other people so they don't ask how I am. And that's kind of how I've led life really. I've I've always been, I suppose, an empath where I've opened up and helped as many other people as can. And I think some of that is because I don't want them to feel how I felt. But the reason that childhood memories or so many of my childhood memories are blanked out is a Pandora's box I've not quite opened yet, but I'm starting to understand a little bit more about it, and a little bit more about the hurt and that not wanting to feel that pain or wanting to feel that loneliness. And as I started to unpick it in this year, I think the big feeling that I get from it is that loneliness, and that's quite overwhelming.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

When we spoke off air, mate, you said that you were once described as an island by someone. So, how did that feel? And what needs to change in your perspective for you to become, say, a peninsula to carry on with the analogy instead? It's my wife called me and still does to some extent.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Like I just said, I'm very good at being open and for other people to come to. And this is where you get that sort of contradiction a lot in mental health, and certainly those who have sort of gone through it and that are trying to help others. I don't want to be that burden on another person. I know I'm not logically, again, when I sort of apply a bit of logic to it, I know I need to open up and I need to talk to people and I need to share my feelings, and I have absolutely got better at it over the last couple of months, but still, it's me, it's my personal stuff. I don't want to offload that and then cause that stress or that upset to other people, and that's where that sort of island analogy comes from. It's I just hold it within me and never let that out. And that's absolutely been my downform anyways. It's absolutely unhealthy, but still that feeling of loneliness and that a lack of trust, I guess, in people when I open up to them whether they're going to respond in the way I want them to or need them to. And I recognise that what I want and what I need are often quite different things, but still that fear sits.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

What you've just spoken about there, mate, when it comes to trust is so important because I speak about this a lot on the podcast about how men on average need much higher trust levels than women when it comes to disclosure, and also the moment of disclosure on average is far more important for a man than a woman, right? So, for example, take you, if you were disclosing for the first time, you might have built up months or years for that moment. And if that moment doesn't go well, you might be put off for another five years, ten years, maybe even forever in an extreme case. So, how did you build the trust? How did you know when to put the trust in the right person? And also, coming back to your earlier point, you said that you're trying to be a bit more trusting, right? Have you reached that point yet? Um, no, is the short answer.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Not yet, not yet, mate. Come on. Absolutely, I'm on the journey, and it's really interesting. So at the end of 2025, I'd been feeling a lot of pressure for a long time, and it got to a point and I had to say something, and I built that point, but I've got to release this. And this was the trigger for the journey into 2026. And I said to my wife, how I was feeling. I was quite honest about it, and I'd had enough of life, and I was really down, and and I couldn't cope with this anymore. So I got to that point of release it and trust. And her response was, and she won't mind me saying this because we've been very open about it in our discussions, she didn't care about my feelings or what was going on for me. And that moment of openness and that slap in the face and that brick in the face of I don't give a shit about you, that was a trigger for me, and that led to lots of weeks and up until sort of February this year of just spiralling because the one person I should and I thought I could trust wasn't there for me at that moment of crisis, and you know, that that's been a really, really hard conversation for us as a couple to have post-February and what happened then. And although that was a really, really negative experience, I don't think she realised just how bad I was feeling emotionally. I don't think she had the capacity herself to deal with it. She was feeling some of those shared stresses and pressures I was under. So I'm not angry at her, I don't blame her for it, hence why we're still a couple. But it's taken a lot to work through that.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

And how have you both moved forward together and changed or improved your communication styles? So if that, God forbid, ever happened with either of you again, you had the language to receive it, to absorb it, to respond back in a positive way, and move forward together?

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Um, it took crisis. So at the start of Feb, I was on the ladder and I was a millisecond away from and that absolute moment of crisis, and the thing that saved me, it sounds ridiculous, but I'm sure other men will relate to this as well. I had that sudden moment of clarity that my life insurance doesn't pay out if I killed myself by a suicide. I can't do that to my family, being my daughter's expecting, I couldn't leave you know my son and my daughter in that position where they were against a bit of financial liability and their home and everything else around it. So that's the thing that stopped me. And if I'm fully honest, that moment and there'll be just a chance to reflect for half a second, and then everything broke down at that point. Up until that point, there was a clarity of thinking, I kind of knew what was happening, and I was aware of it in some ways, and then everything just went into chaos. And my wife at that moment, we were separated at that moment in time, and then yeah, eventually we started talking, and I don't think she realised it, she hadn't realised because if she had realised, she would absolutely have intervened. She hadn't realised just how bad it had got for me, and some of that is me hiding it, but some of that is that lack of communication, and it took that moment of crisis and my honesty with her, and it was a really, really hard message for me to say, and equally probably the hardest message that she's ever heard in her life, that the one person that you're really supposed to care for and love beyond your children had lost all faith in her and lost all trust in her, and that was uh a really really difficult conversation, but it opened the door, and from that moment of crisis and that really negative thing, then we were able to start to communicate, and that isn't easy and will probably never be easy, but we're developing ways and systems to allow us to do that, and yeah, there's lots that went on at the time, but I th I think the thing it really got for my wife is through her job, she was dealing with somebody my age who hadn't had that moment of clarity, and I think yeah, that was three days after my incident. That really, really brought it home for her of how close she came, and that made me feel really bad because I put her through that, but at the same time, I was angry because she'd not recognised that I was going through it, so but this whole mix of emotions, you know, of anger, guilt, frustration, loneliness, all coming through. But through that, and she was feeling the same as I was, but through that, we sort of both had this moment of recognition that we've got to talk, we've got to stop and open up, and that's not gonna be comfortable. And we both kind of acknowledged that this isn't gonna be a fun experience for either of us, but that experience has been so so powerful and so so beneficial to us both, and actually also beneficial to the family and the children, and I've been quite open, especially with my son, about this because I want him and his generation to know that we go through this and and we can't do this alone as men, because if we do, we're just gonna add to that statistic, and actually, some of his friends have have sort of been influenced by that as well. So there's this absolute moment of crisis and and negativity and and horribleness, but from it has come quite powerful things, and that adds to a little bit of sadness. I I never had the the courage, the confidence, that the skills. I don't know what it was to be able to do this with my dad before we lost him, and kind of recognising actually I've got limited time to to do it with my mum while she's still about. We're never gonna put right what's happened, but at least and you know, I hope that's not a near thing that you know, I hope there's a few years in her yet, but we need to end that on the positive.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

There's a lot of statistics that get banned about, mate, about how, you know, for men under 35, suicide is the biggest killer of men. But what I also bang on about a lot is that we don't as often talk about how suicide is probably more so the biggest killer of men over the age of 35, over 45, over 50, for example. And there's a lot of literature written about how men who get into this suicidality, people often miss the moment before they do it because there's this clarity, right? They almost improve a little bit before they take their own life because they have this clarity of thought and almost at peace with it, right? And then also, there's a lot of literature written about how if someone takes their own life and obviously won't go into explicit detail, the moment they do it, they want to live. There's another moment of clarity, right? Do you share any commonality with that, mate?

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Yes, absolutely. And yeah, but I've seen that research, and certainly when you look at those who have survived those suicide attempts and hear some of their stories, yeah, absolutely that commonality and that that purpose, I guess, of you know, there is still more I have to offer, and it's not just about me. And people often say, you know, suicide is a selfish thing. It it really isn't. Suicide and the thought of that the the total opposite to it of I'm doing all of this because the world and and you know the people around me will be better without me then. I will be less.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

I call it false selflessness, mate, because in your head, in this in the suicide dull person's mind, you believe that you are doing the most selfless thing possible to make the life of your family and network better, even though you are gonna obviously sadly create immense damage for them. But in your head, you think it's selfless.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah. Yeah, that's a sort of thought process I went through if it's it will be painful and yeah, the grief will be there, but that's short-lived in its intensity. But you do grieve, but you kind of come through the other end of it in many ways. And that short-term intensity I thought was gonna be better than the long-term pain I was causing my family with how I was and how I was behaving, and that me closing down and me stopping being open and stopping being that that loving, caring person I wanted to be, and I didn't want my children to feel like that, that I didn't love them or didn't care for them, and yeah, it felt that was the right thing to do at that moment in time, but then absolutely like you say, that moment of clarity of I can't do this because that's gonna cause them long-term pain. It was never about me, it was always about those around me.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

I really admire your honesty, man. It's a really important part of this conversation that often gets missed. I want to talk about recovery now, because thankfully your wife reports your mental state to the authority, she recognises it, you're found alive. What do you remember those hours and days afterwards? And how did you, or when did you even begin to take the first steps of recovery?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Initially, in my car, I was about to drive away to hide myself. There's an unmarked police car pulled up next to me, and my initial response and feeling towards my wife was just pure anger and hatred. How could you do this to me? And that lasted quite a while, and that anger quickly turned inwards. The hours afterwards progressed. I started to understand a little bit about how I must have made her feel, and actually for her to do what she did must have been a massive leap of faith because she didn't want to expose non-professionals, if you like, to what she thought they were gonna find and how they're gonna find me.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

And then you change to, oh my god, I'm so angry at myself for having potentially put my kids and other people through this. Is that how the switch changed?

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Yeah, kind of along those lines. And then I suppose I started to grieve in some ways. I thought that was it. We were separated, you know, there was no coming back from this. And some of the things I'd said to her and she'd said to me, were, if I'm honest, truly horrific. Yeah, that they were really, really nasty, that they were vicious on both sides in the build-up to this. And I just thought it's all gone, I've lost it all. And then that moment of and this is where it did become about me, and of I have literally lost everything at this moment in time. And that point, I just broke down. And for the f probably the first time in weeks, months, probably years. I just crumbled and I sobbed, and absolutely everything just came out. And it came out while I was on the phone to my wife. And I don't think she'd ever heard me like that. And she just told me to stop wherever I was and just stop. And for the first time in I can't remember how long, I genuinely felt that she was worried and cared about me. She's like, where are you? Tell me, I will come and find you. Just tell me where you are, I will come now. And like, you can't, you can't. The miles away, I'd I'd driven for miles and miles, I'd spent the whole day driving. And I did stop, and then that conversation started, and it was probably the hardest conversation that I've ever had, and probably ever will have. And that moment of because I'd lost it all. I had nothing else to lose, and I could just be open and honest and tell her everything. And I did. And she didn't, I don't think. I know she hadn't realised the depth of what I was feeling. And that started the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

You spoke earlier about this event, although as traumatic and difficult as it was for everyone involved, including yourself, mate, it opened a door. Did that conversation maybe not kick down it, but allow you to start crawling slowly through that door? Yes, yeah, it was a crack.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

The chain was still on the door, but at least the door was open. The chain's come off. And absolutely it's not perfect. And I don't claim to be anywhere near that that perfect point or that point of full recovery or full acceptance. But we talk and we're open and we're honest. This is two ways. This isn't just me offloading on her all the time, it's also her offloading on me and that permission that we've given each other to be honest. And yeah, we've had conversations since where she said, Simon, you've been an absolute chat, just stop. And you kind of go, Yeah, okay, fair cop. And we don't get it right all the time. There's still those moments where there are breakdowns in communication, there's breakdowns in understanding and willingness to listen to the other person, but we're far, far better than we were, and I've at last, probably for the first time ever, got that person that I can talk to. It's still guarded at times, I still hide some things, and I recognise that, and I'm a lot more willing to recognise that and admit that now. And equally she's learnt when I say I'm okay that I'm probably not okay, but not to push that. And I will open up, it's got to be at the time that's right for me, and I think that's been probably the biggest challenge for her to understand is and this is where I can be a little bit selfish, I guess, is it's got to be when I'm ready to have that discussion, and sometimes she's not ready for that discussion, but she's been prepared to have those discussions with me, and that's been quite impactful for me and meant a lot because she's made herself uncomfortable to allow me to that space to have a talk and be open about what I need to talk about, and vice versa.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

And what other tools have you used in your recovery that have helped you so far, mate? For example, you know, do you go on a walk and talk with your children or your wife, which allows you to encourage disclosure, you're out in nature, you're not looking at them in the eye. That's really good for men, for example. Have you accessed therapy? Have you accessed a new hobby or interest? What tools have you used that have helped you as well, mate?

SPEAKER_01 26:06

A bit of all of that. So I spent a lot more time with my son in recent weeks. So we started climbing together, we started kayaking together, so we started doing things we both enjoy, but we're doing it as father and son now. He came up to the mountains with me over Easter, and we had a week in the Breck and Beacons, and that was really, really nice. The professional therapies I've started to access as well, opened up to GB. We got the spokes to the bloke, which yeah, we we started with. So we had the Spokes of the Bloke annual walk in March, and that was really powerful for me, and a chance to stand in front of a bunch of strangers standing on the bench and told them what had happened to me six weeks prior. And I'm getting better at telling that story. It's like a bustle, mate. The more you tell it, the easier it gets. Absolutely. I was talking to a mate yesterday via message, and I told him what had happened in the start of February, and it's just that retelling it and being open about it today is part of that process for me. Being open and honest about that story and not being ashamed of it, and not letting those around me be ashamed of it, and to embrace it and turn that into a positive. Like I said, I've done more with my son. He's actually started to open up and talk about that with his group of friends. So now there's other sort of 17, 18-year-olds having that sort of discussion about their mental health as a result, and while that's not easy, it's positive, and it shows that ability that we're not weak because of how we feel. Yeah, there we don't have to man up about this. We can have those feelings, and those feelings are really, really important, and those discussions are really, really important. And that time we spend as a family, that time I spend with my son, that time I spend with my daughter, they're really, really important times. The times I spend with my mates when discussing it. And yeah, they're still people I I'm very selective about, people I tell everything about. You know, it's quite easy talking to you today because it's that sort of new relationship. So I don't have to pretend I can be open and honest. There's no preconceived ideas about what's going on. So all those sort of things, and I'm building up and I'm I'm making new friends, I'm meeting new people, and I'm starting with the truth of today. This is who I am, and you know, this is how I've got to where I am. I don't have to pretend I don't have to hide the stuff that's happened in the past. I'm just open and honest about it, and that's probably been the greatest medicine for me personally, just to be able to have those open discussions and just go with it.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Let's reflect on your mental health journey, Cy. So, what has it taught you about yourself so far?

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Um it sounds cliche, but you're stronger than you think.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Very common answer on this podcast today.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Um but I'm not a burden and I should never be a burden. And all those times that people come to me and tell me about how they're feeling and and I help them and I support them, I should be doing that for myself. And it's that self-awareness and that self-love of I'm important. If I'm not important to anyone else in the world, it doesn't matter, I'm important to me. And if I can't be important to me, I I can't be there for those other people. That's the thing that I've really taken from the last few weeks and months is I've got to be honest who I am, and I've got to acknowledge that, and I can't acknowledge that all the time I'm hiding it, and all the time I'm putting out, and I am that island because people never get to see it. So the big thing is I've got to be open and honest, and people will let me down, I know that that's a matter of fact and a matter of life, but it doesn't matter because I'm being true to myself.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

And now you're a peninsula, mate. Look at you. Absolutely, and as a final question, mate, before we move on to Spoke to a Bloke, if you could go back and talk to that eight-year-old Simon who was feeling unloved or uncared for, the Simon who was about to take his own life, or the Simon who was thinking about getting involved in Spoke to a Bloke and speaking in front of those group of strangers, feeling a bit scared about doing it, what would you say to him, knowing what you do now, if anything at all?

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Do you know what I don't think I would in many ways? And I think there's an acceptance and a pride in where I am and how I've got to this point. That journey has made me the person I am today. And why would I want to change that? I think that person is actually pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Let's talk about this new chapter in your life which has fuelled your mental health recovery, which is Spoke to a Bloke. How did you formally get involved in the organisation and in what capacity?

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Um, as you said at the intro, JK James Kennedy and I go back a few years. We did a couple of events together, we bonded through that. James knew Nick, who completed suicide in Australia, and it's his family that started Spoke to a Bloke. And in memory of Nick, they started the annual walk for Walk for a Bloke. So James ran the first event in the UK, and in fact, the first non-Australian event three years ago, I think it was now, 2022, in London. And I saw what he was doing, and I was quite inspired by it. I thought, we need to do this, and yeah, well, I've been passionate about mental health for a long time and wanted to make the difference. So I thought, yeah, I'm gonna put my head above the parapet. So I reached out to JK and then spoke to the founders of the charity and said, look, yeah, can we do a Sussex-based walk? And absolutely so. 2025 was our first walk in Brighton, and yeah, it just grown with a passion from there and getting men talking. Yeah, we've done a couple of other events since Climb for Bloke, and I've got some more on the bike ride for this year.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

And when you did the walk, tell me about the day itself. You know, how many joined up, what was the day like, and what impact did you see it have on the blokes that joined, and also on yourself, mate?

SPEAKER_01 32:28

So, first of all, placewalks have been about 30. We've been really blessed with the weather, it's March, so you can never tell. But it's been lovely. It's men coming together and just being together at that moment in time. You don't have to talk about your mental health if you want to talk about your knit and pattern, you can if you want to talk about your football team, but it doesn't matter what you talk about, it's just men coming together and sharing that experience and sharing that unity and that solidarity for everyone else and each other and raising awareness and the camaraderie that comes from it, it's been immense. And for both of us, we've had individual conversations and group conversations where some of the blokes on it sort of reached out and said, Go for a really tough time, anyone around for coffee. And every time somebody stepped up and said yes, and you know, they've been there for each other. So we've built this network, and again, it goes back to what I said earlier. It's about men being honest to themselves, that there's no pretense, there's no bullshit that sits behind it. It's this is who I am. I'm here today to do this walk because I've got a story, and because we're all there from sort of that similar starting point, the barriers don't exist, it's just a chance for guys to come together and share their experiences and feel in that safe space to do so. And yeah, that's a thing that I love from it and the buzz from it is immense.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

I love what you said there, mate, about this brotherhood you're building because I feel like in this space, when I talk to men who have gone through not even similar experiences to myself, but just gone through a mental health crisis or a challenge or a severe mental health difficulty, there's that bond already. There's that kinship that we've both gone through something difficult, we've made it through the other side, and we're helping each other as a result. Is that something you're trying to build with the group that you've got, that brotherhood, that real desire to support each other, no matter what time of year, no matter what day of the week?

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Absolutely. And taking that message beyond that group that meets for the walk as well. And it's something I've certainly tried to do in my life and be open with sort of friends and other guys that I work with and see and come into contact with. So it's not just about those guys on that, it's about creating that feeling and that understanding that it's okay to talk and to be open and to share those discussions with everyone. Because one of the things that sort of really surprised me, half surprised me, as I've done this, is the amount of men that have gone through something, and men I've known and have never really understood that they're on that mental health journey because that's not how they present themselves. But actually, when you start to have those more meaningful conversations with him, you go, Wow, I never knew that. And suddenly there's a whole new level of relationship, a whole new level of understanding, and a whole new level of respect. And that thing that I've really, really been proud of through this is that shared respect of being totally opposite of what I expected from a lot of people, but men just going, thank you, and acknowledging it. Yeah, and when I stood up on the bench and I told them my story, I got I got a round of applause, and I'll it took me aback because I wasn't expecting that, and that willingness for men to listen, not to understand, because everyone's story is unique and different to them, but to acknowledge and give value to what you're saying has been such a powerful part of this journey. We spoke to a bloke.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

I've often said on this podcast, mate, that before I came out about my mental health story for the first time, way back when in September 2017, I thought that I would lose all my friends, I would lose all the respect that I had from people. And what I came to realise and what I discovered is that I gained more respect from men in particular than I ever thought was possible. Do you share any commonality with that as well? 100%.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

And not just men, actually, some of the women that support us as well. And I've had a few sort of partners and wives come up and say thank you to us just because it's they can see the impact, mate.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

They can see it in their everyday life. Their husband or their partner or their brother is better, he feels better equipped to deal with daily life challenges, or he could be a better husband to them or a better father to their kids.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Yeah, 100%. And that power of connection and that power that we all have, and we all do have it, to be that person that somebody talks to and trusts is immeasurable. And like you say, it's not just the immediacy of the individual, it's that ripple effect of they become a better partner, they become not better, they become more able to be that partner, more able to be that father, more able to be that brother, because they've got that capacity, and we can give them that capacity and support them to build that capacity to be who they want to be and the best version of themselves because we take away some of that pressure that we all feel and we're all under, regardless of gender, but then in particular, and just ease that for them to give them the space to grow and to be part of that journey.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

When we spoke off air, you also said you are collaborating with great friends of the pod, men walking and talking. I've had Mark Taylor, absolute legend on from the organisation. What is that collaboration going to look like, mate? We're still trying to sort it out.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

So we bumped into the one that spoke to a bloke when we did our walk in March. So we just want to set up a bit of a walk for men in my local area because there's one sort of either side of us, but nothing where we are. So just trying to get that. Um, I run an outdoor centre, so we've got the perfect venue. I want to be able to get men and and women in indeed, and and that, like we said earlier, that involvement in natural environment where you can do something alongside someone else, but not necessarily be that face on and that awkward bit, which is why we did climb for bloke at the end of last year, so we can do sort of walk for bloke, cycle for bloke, paddle for bloke. So just bringing guys together to do something physical, something you need to do. No pressure, no pressure. If you want to chat, chat, if you want to just head off, head off, but it's a safe space, and then we can go grab a coffee afterwards and you know, just building that community, you know, and again, not just men. One of the things I really want to sort of start pushing a bit this year is supporting men whose partners are going through the menopause and things like that because absolutely women are going through that and the physical and the mental strain it puts on them. Actually, we as men also go through that, and you know, that's another stressor that isn't recognised in what we're doing. So it's just about opening up that community and allowing us to come together and talk about what's happening in our lives because other people are going through it. We're not we're not this island, I'm not this island, like so. We've got to be and grow and make sure that everyone's got that opportunity to access it at the moment that's right for them.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

You spoke there about men needing this emotional intelligence or the support to have the emotional intelligence to support a partner who might be going through the menopause, for example, mate. And I've spoken to a few female guests and male guests about this on the podcast, actually. And one way that you can try and do that is I was very pleased to hear that the organization are paying for some of you to go on mental health first aid courses. I've also done something called Assist, which is Suicide First Aid, which is almost like a level above MHFA, and I'd 100% recommend you do that once you're in a good place to do it, mate, because also most of the courses I've seen are in Brighton, and I went down to Brighton when I did mine, so it'd be an easy one for you to get to. Have you done your MHFA yet? And if so, what skills has it giving you, mate?

SPEAKER_01 40:11

Yes, and in fact, I trained for many health first aid as well, and yeah, been teaching it for about the last three years. And again, it's been a really powerful opportunity for me to be open about the sort of the struggles I've had, but also the support I've provided to other people and allowed them through that. So it's been a really, really insightful piece of the work that I do. Well, I've done it with university students, I've done it with people that lead expeditions around the world to extreme environments where people are more vulnerable and and we know that they're more likely to disclose everything around life sort of taken away from them, they're sort of stripped back to the bare minimum. So that's been really, really useful. And again, those discussions, and I've had friends come and do the courses with us, and you know, more recently, and they sort of go, Wow, that was really powerful. I didn't know that about you. So, from a selfish point of view, it's another outlet, and it gives me a chance to talk about what's happened to me and the journey I'm on, but also from that sort of holistic view, it helps other people get involved and start to understand that journey that probably everyone in the country's going through at some point at some level. The instances of emotional ill health and well-being are growing at all levels, and yeah, we need to have an awareness to it and be cognizant of it so we can help each other.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Let's reflect on this journey with Spoke to a Bloke so far, mate. So, first of all, what's been your proudest achievement on it?

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Um my son being there and doing a walk with us 100% and his openness with the guys on the walk. That's been a real win for me. Um because I hope he's got the skills not to go through what I've been through and to learn from that experience.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Amazing mate, so powerful. As a final question, similar one to the first topic, what has been a part of it also taught you about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 42:19

Um the whole journey has been I need to trust and I need to be open, and that's been really, really hard to acknowledge because like so many, you know, I think of myself as this rock, this strong, independent man that can do everything on his own. And yeah, while some of that is true, I'm so much better at being me with other people around me.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Our final topic of conversation, side, and it's one I try and have with all of my special guests if we have time. It is a general natter and quickfire chat about our mental health. So, firstly, how was your mental health out of 10? Uh, about nine today. Love to hear that, mate. What age were you when you became self-aware of your mental health and you realised that the feelings you were having weren't physical and they were actually in your mind?

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Um, honestly, probably about now or so, 48.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

There's no right or wrong answer, mate. Was it a eureka moment or a gradual process? Or both?

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Um, it was a bit of both. Yeah. That eureka moment of, oh shit. But that had built and I felt it building. I just hadn't acknowledged it.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Tell me now about the first or the most important conversation you've ever had with someone about your mental health. So who was it with? What impact did it have? And how do you look back on it? Did it feel like the big moment or weight had been lifted? Or on the other, some are quite easy, natural, and normal to do.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

The most impactful has been the recent one I had with my wife, and it was a weight being lifted. The first conversation I had was probably in my late teens. But I didn't fully understand it or give it the credence it needed.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

What things do you find in life, if any, mate, that trigger your mental health? So it could be things people say to you, it could be a sound, a smell, taste, sensation, or have you not figured all of them out yet? Still figuring some out. The big one is loneliness. And conversely then, what positive tools do you use to improve your mental health or help you feel better? Which ones have worked for you and which ones have you tried but haven't?

SPEAKER_01 44:28

It's going to sound a bit iphothic, but time on my own. In a natural environment. So sitting on top of a mountain or out on the river, they're just those moments that allow me to ground myself and reconnect. And then talking to people and my son has probably been the greatest support for me in recent weeks and months, and that ability to talk to him openly.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

It's really interesting, mate. So it sounds like when you voluntarily choose to be on your own, it's a positive because you're using it to do something. But when you're involuntarily alone, that's when it's the trigger, right?

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Oh yeah, it's horrible when I desperately want to talk to someone that I can't feel I can.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

What is the best book, or as I call it, mental health Bible you've read for your mental health? Now it can be mental health related, it doesn't have to be, it can be fiction, anything you want. And if you can't think of a book, TV show, podcast, album, any piece of popular culture. Probably TV show.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

I love sitting and watching Red Dwarf. Yeah, it gives me a little bit of escapism.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

I mean, I love a lot of the characters in that Craig Charles is an amazing DJ, and also the one of the guys who was in Red Dwarf ended up presenting a children's TV show called The Story Makers back in the day. So he was from my generation as well. If there was a mantra in life, mate, that summed up your mental health, what would it be and why?

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Oh, that's a good question. You're stronger than you think you are. Love that. What do you love about yourself? Um who I am. So the person I am and and without being too sort of philosophical about it or spiritual about it, my soul.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

I love that, man. I love that. I've got one final question, mate. You can answer it any way you want. What more do you think we have to do to ensure men from all backgrounds, all social classes, all walks of life feel comfortable and safe in opening up about their mental health issues or just their general mental health, if most importantly, they want to do it?

SPEAKER_01 46:36

We've got to cut through the bullshit. We've got to cut through the barriers and this nonsense of men are there to be strong and men are there to be providers and you know, those stereotypical bits. You know, we're human beings, we've got emotions, we've got complexities around us. We've as men, we've got to come together and be open and honest and support each other and bring that love to the world and to each other. It's so important. We have so much to offer this world and so much to offer those around us. We've got to change the stats that we all know exist and just make this part of life. And it is part of life, it is part of the human existence, and we've got to acknowledge that.

SPEAKER_00 47:23

Simon, that is an excellent way to end this podcast. Well done for everything that you do. We spoke to a bloke. Well done for everything you've gotten through this year. Hopefully, the rest of 2026 is going to be an absolutely amazing one for you. Thank you so much for coming on the Just Checking In podcast and talking to me, brother. Thank you, mate. It's been a real pleasure to be here. Well, that's all we've got time for on this episode of the Just Checking In pod. A big thank you to Simon for being my special guest and for letting me check in with him. I'll put some links to where you can find out more about Spoke to a Bloke and follow them on social media in the show notes. As always, thank you to all the vendors who've tuned in to this episode. Remember, if you've liked what you've heard, please give it a share on social media. Tell your friends, family, or work colleagues about us. If you're feeling generous, write us a review and give us a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. If you want to support us further, go to patreon.com slash venthelpuk or make a one-off donation to our PayPal. Both those links are on our link tree. That's linktr.ee slash vent helpuk. We hope to check in with you again very soon. And remember, guys, it is always okay to vent.